Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Rockstar ambitions

I had this damn song in my head for the better part of three days:

Rockstar 101 - Rihanna -- Rated R

told ya
I told ya
I told ya
Baby
Baby
Uh, uh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya

Got up in the club
Won't sit in the back
Feeling so good
Looking so bad

Rocking this skirt
Rocking this club
Got my middle finger up
I don't really give a fuck

Rocking these diamonds
I'm rocking this chain
Make sure you get a picture
I'm rocking my fame

To be what you is
You gotta be what you are
The only thing I'm missing
Is a black guitar

I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby

Big city
Bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar

Hey baby its...
Big cities
And bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all nights

Baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Hey, hey, hey

Six inch walker
Big shit talker
I never play the victim
I'd rather be a stalker


So baby take me in
I'll disobey the law
Make sure you frisk me good
Check my panties and my bra

Wildn out
A crazy house
With my white jacket on
Wont you come
And sign me out

To be with you is
You gotta be what you are
The only thing I'm missing
Is a black guitar

I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby

Big city
White lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar

Hey baby its...
Big cities
And white lights
Sleep all day
Up all nights

Baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Hey, hey, hey

Hey
I'm rocking out tonight
Cause I can't wait till tomorrow
I'm a live my whole life
In the night
Cause I aint got time to borrow
I'm rocking out tonight
Why wait till tomorrow
I'm a live my whole life
In the night

I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby

Big city
White lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar

Hey baby its...
Big cities
And white lights
Sleep all day
Up all nights

Baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Hey, hey, hey



Saturday, May 15, 2010

My take on honesty

Just what is honesty? In my opinion honesty is saying what you feel, not holding back anything, and being true to yourself. You don't care what people think of you, and only thing that matters is how you view yourself at the end of the day. That said I do have some issues with this online community I am in. I am also having problems with the game.

The forums, for YoVille (the game I used to like to play)
• They are getting way too political
• The moderators aren't fair with handling the rules
• it always feels like a whole lot of us are walking on eggshells
• There seems to be a hidden policy of Don't Ask, Don't Tell

The game itself I have issues with
• It never really runs as smoothly as it once used to
• too many popups
• too many items costing "YoCash", virtual currency that is bought with real money
• No in game moderation
• Too many malicious players

The more the days pass, the more I am tempted to just gift away everything I have and uninstall the game. I am not happy with it. In fact, I have grown bored with it. A lot of my friends hardly play, they just jump in game to clock in, do coin runs, and log back out. That's about where I am now, Go in, accept free gifts, check messages, clock into work, do a couple of coin runs before the game starts to bog, then log out. There is a saying "Why fix what isn't broke" yet the stability of this game gets worse and worse, and more new features are added.

The forums are a whole 'nother story. Two new moderators are there, and the old ones are gone. I don't know why the change, since the previous ones were doing a fine job, or so I thought. I am guessing staff rotation. So far, trolls, cheaters, and brown nosers rule the forums.

Just recently they developed a new contest for Twitter users, where we tweet so many time, within rules to win YoCash. Sure, we thought, no problem. But as the contest rolled through, there were winners announced. Those winners tweeted more than five times per day, and one of them who is unliked for one reason or another, wins because he is there in the forums kissing moderator ass. This infuiorates people, and we post in the forums to let them know that isn't right. BOOM Threads are closed, and some get banned for the dumbest reasons. Granted these forums are ran privately, but shit.. if you're gonna change the fucking rules, let the damn community know beforehand. The one who was banned posted a link to her blog... no problem it was YoVille related. Obviously, the higher ups saw different.

So this twitter contest is going on, and we decide to share our links to Twitter so we can keep in touch with each other. So we post our links in our signatures. It's been done since there ever was a YoVille forum, so whatever right? Wrong! One of those mods comes in and tells each and every one of us to delete our links, because they "Provide personal information" Ok, how about name changes, and ban all links, that would make it fair. No more fan pages, no more fan forums, no more facebook fan pages, they all contain personal info. How about banning all links from being used in the forums... The rules from that moment on get vague and skewed... which piss a lot of users off. We read and reread the rules, but nothing there says anything about the ins and outs of what is considered personal info. I even suggested my name to be changed because it contains elements of personal info in it... my real first name. Do they change it? Fuck no! They instead changed 3 other people's name, and the rest of us were overlooked.

There is a reason why I wanted my name changed, but I will get into that later.

More hell breaks loose when the second day twitter winners are announced. More cheating, more brown nosers win, yet those of us who followed the rules are again overlooked.

My name gets smeared again from someone stating that I was slamming her on someone's fan page. First off, she knows where I stand with her and her posts. I don't like them because they are sexually provocative, and those types of sexual innuendos should be kept off the forums. Since people under 18 post and read those forums, those posts should not be allowed. She had made one post about someone looking like... an alien, Yoda, something, but wouldn't mention who. It was funny to her, yet everyone else didn't see the humor. A friend of mine posted a link to her fanpage, letting everyone know this chick had her ass handed to her by my friend, and I clicked on it. To me, it contained potentially insulting material for anyone who was reading those forums, ... basically flaming someone else. She posted that thread to bait others to see it, and she was flaming someone still is unnamed. I posted on her page, yeah great post, you had balls, I wish I was there to add my two cents. That was it. Nothing insulting, nothing derogatory.. that was it.

So after I put my three year old daughter to bed, I find this post waiting for me. Of course it was closed by forum moderators, but there was my name... she screamed my name to the masses accusing me of chasing her off the forums, and conjuring up a group to seek her out and attack her, and other posters, which of course is untrue.

I will say this. Even if this is an online matter, I hate being accused for something I did not do. I absolutely hate it. It's not for public image, but fuck, tell the truth! She posted a link to the page, but no one fell for her bait this time. Most of them instead told her that she was making a huge deal out of nothing.

What did make me sick was the "Please don't let the bullies win" bullshit.. These people don't know half the story. I am so far from being a fucking bully. I just speak my mind.

It really pisses me off that honesty can bite me in the ass. Ok.. I do admit sometimes I can be sarcastic. But most of the time I do say what is on my mind, without being rude and obnoxious to others. I guess I have learned the value of tact, where some can say "This post sucks" I can say... "This post lacks amusement value, it's inappropriate, it's downright wrong" I have never called anyone stupid, idiot, (except in a private group) or anything else degrading while anyone was watching. I am just tired of the bullshit.

I am still debating if I should leave this app, and it's adjoining forums behind, but I do have people begging me to stay. For what reason? This game is going down the toilet, someone please pull the flush handle. I am not happy in YoVille anymore. I won't abandon the wonderful friends I have met there, but the game itself is a crashing bore, and forums are turning into an online cesspool. I am so over it now.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

My Final Goodbye


Johnson Yazzie Sr


GANADO — Services are pending for Johnson Yazzie Sr., 91.

Yazzie died Monday, May 3, 2010, in Gallup. He was born Sept. 18, 1918, in Ganado, into the Zuni Red Running Into the Water People Clan for the Klizilani People Clan.

Rollie Mortuary is in charge of arrangements.


From the Independent


Thank you Grandpa for telling me to stay with my daughter. Thank you for telling me she needed me, and thank you for letting me know that you understood why I couldn't be there to say goodbye. I wanted to be there, but with Sadie being young she wouldn't understand why Mommy was gone for even a few days. She is too young to understand death.

I miss the times we spent together when I was younger. You spoiling me, like any grandfather would do for their grandkids. You made me understand what a true grandfather really is.



Updated May 15, 2010

GANADO — Services for Johnson Yazzie Sr., 92, were 10 a.m. today, May 6, at St. Anne’s Catholic Church, Klagetoh. The Rev. Cormac Antram, OFM officiated. Burial were in Klagetoh. A rosary was recited 6 p.m., May 5, at All Saints Catholic Church, Ganado.

Yazzie died May 3, 2010, in Gallup. He was born Sept. 30, 1918, in Ganado, into the Zuni Red Running Into the Water People Clan for the Many Goats People Clan.

Yazzie attended BIA Boarding School, Fort Defiance, Ganado Mission High School, Northern Arizona University and College of Ganado. He was Ganado Chapter Councilman from 1972-1977, advocate for adolescent substance abuse prevention, traditional counselor, mentor and scholar.

Survivors include his sons, Ronald of Sacramento, Calif., Jon of Albuquerque, Marwin of Flagstaff, Michael of Phoenix; daughters, Gloria Cox of Gallup, Lynda Yazzie of Ganado, Marilyn Yazzie of Ganado; brother, Richard Yazzie of Ganado; sisters, Elizabeth Hubbard, Adele Yazzie of Ganado; 13 grandchildren; 13 great-grandchildren.
Yazzie was preceded in death by his wife, Blanche; brothers, Billy, Benson, Charles Yazzie; parents, Marie Pahe, Bert Yazzie.

Pallbearers were Michael Yazzie, Marwin Yazzie, James Cox, John Cox, Jonathan Yazzie, Waylon Benally, Joshua Yazzie-McLane.

The family received relatives and friends at Klagetoh Chapter, following services.

Rollie Mortuary is in charge of arrangements.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Seething


I just hate days where I am so angry I see red. Noise pisses me off.. Snide remarks piss me off, Days like this I wish I could lock myself away until I find calmness. Alas I have to cater to a three year old

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter. I would never harm her. But there are days when I just wish to be left alone, no noise no one here to bother me, ask for things, talk to me.... Those are the days I wish I can just lock myself away and just think... Not about anything in particular... but just think. Perhaps while I have a blog... write too.

There are a lot of things I wish for really. I wish for a daughter that knows how to use the toilet, I wish for a husband who was more supportive in certain aspects of child rearing, Those are the two main things. I wish I could have a place to practice music without being bothered. I thought I had a space all to my own... yet it has been invaded. I should be used to that. I have no fucking privacy! It drives me crazy at times. If I want the house to myself there better be a good damn reason for the two of them to get the hell out of here... Yet usually there isn't.

My husband? I love him to death but I have the feeling he doesn't know what it all takes to raise a child. He thinks that if my daughter can make a couple of deposits in the potty, she is potty trained... he doesn't have to get out of his chair, tell her she is a good girl, a big girl, and encourage her to use the bathroom out of the day... I will say this... no matter how frustrating my husband is about child rearing... he puts other guys to shame. Including my dad, who in his time as a father decided drugs, drinking, and drunken friends were cooler than looking after a daughter. Hey who could blame him? He was only in his 20's.

Times like this is when I wish I could drive. So I can drive somewhere by myself to be a lone for a few hours... This whole staying in with the family week after week is starting to piss me off to no end.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

My favorite bookstore, only a memory




It was a hot summer back in 1990. The old strip mall where my father used to take me on afternoon outings was about to get a new tenant. That strip mall has some history to it for me.

As early as 1982, my parents and I moved into a small apartment on the west side of Flagstaff Arizona, where it was close to the local college, and mom just started working at the Burger King on the corner of Milton and University. Target was nothing but open field (built in 1994) and there was a strip mall across the street from our apartment, well across the street from another strip mall. Our apartment was behind the first one, named Sherwood Forest.

There was a grocery store there called El Rancho Market, and I thought it was cool. At four years old I thought them selling day glo child sized cups was awesome, and they made a special path just for me out of the linoleum. Orange and black tile lined the outer portions of the store, while the aisles were stark white. I always smelled fresh bread baking from the bakery, (where JoAnns is now) and dad always bought me a donut or a cookie from there while he and mom were grocery shopping. It was a sign of good times. When mom used to work late at Burger King, dad would take me to the laundry mat next door (Where the DES offices are), not to do laundry, but to step into the arcade. He could play Aviator for hours, and I would be so fascinated by him playing. Getting there for me was quite scary, since I was four. We had to cross a very busy street and my little four year old legs can only run so far or so fast.

I could always remember what dad bought at El Rancho... a loaf of bread, Top Ramen, Pot pies, and if he was with his friends, some beer. He would never buy meat there, he always went to the butcher down the road. But every time, it never failed, he would always go to the bakery first, buy a donut, or a cookie, hand it over to me, and continue shopping. I followed the orange and black path like I was driving the cart myself down an enchanted road. and would always cover my eyes when dad steered the cart away from the road.

My god I remember the Marquee on the front of the store

Bakery El Rancho Market Wine & Spirits
It's funny how I can get so attached to buildings, but they remind me of happier times with my family. El Rancho, Super Fun, Longs Drugs, and yes, even Safeway on Plaza Way. I can't help but laugh when I walk into Bun Huggers. they have crates you can sit on, me being four at the time, I didn't understand I couldn't lean back on these crates. I learned my lesson quite slowly and kissed the floor twice in a row.

Fast forward to 1990. I barely got out of fifth grade, and El Rancho was sitting empty for the longest time. My orange and black path was super dusty, and the tiles were falling out of the ceiling. I missed it in there. But I also saw people moving bright orange bookshelves into the empty space, where the liquor department and produce used to be. So I guess it was turning into a bookstore? Hmm... Nothing too interesting to an eleven year old. I obviously didn't pay enough attention, since lots of people were telling me about this great bookstore that just showed up in town, they sell used books, and such. Oh yeah... "You know you could have bought that Guns N Roses tape for a couple of bucks there too right?"

One afternoon I was walking home in the hot Summer sun, and decided to stop by a friends house. I had recently bought a cassette to replaces another one that had been broken. I saved up ten dollars and some change and walked down to the record shop to buy my tape. My friend saw my purchase and said "You know you could have bought that at Bokman's right?"

"What's Bookman's? I asked stupidly.
"Only the coolest bookstore in town, they just opened" she said
"Where is it at?" I asked
"It's down by Burger King on Milton, across the street from there, next to Long's"
By I felt like an idiot... That was the same bookstore moving into El Rancho... I guess they had officially opened and I failed to get notified until much later about it. I felt dumb.

So far I don't know how many copies of Appetite for Destruction I have bought there. Probably so many the staff know me by now. I bought books, music, magazines, and close to everything else at that store. It became my hangout. The other portion of E Rancho was still vacant, until the House of Fabrics moved in. Long's turned into Hasting's, and the House of Fabrics turned into Joann Fabrics. A new building was added that now houses Michael's, and the other side now has Pier One Imports. Probably the only place that had stayed the same since I was a kid in that whole strip mall was TCBY and Peter Piper Pizza. Everything else changed. I was ecstatic when my mom got hired at the fabric store. She was right next door to Bookmans, and having the excuse to bother her during work gave me the lamer excuse to spend time in Bookmans with hours on end.

A few months ago I had read on Flagstaff's online newspaper the roof to Bookman's and Joann Fabrics collapsed. My heart sank. My husband and I planned to make a trip to Arizona to see my family again, yet I can't hang out in my little corner by the coffee shop. The store is close to demolished now. The good news is they both plan to return in late fall/early winter of this year, the bad news is I can't visit the Bookman's I have come to know and love... I have to go down to the Valley to even go to a Bookmans. I also plan on leaving some items behind at the Phoenix store.

I love Bookmans so much I decided to paint an ugly pressboard bookshelf to that bright orange color Bookmans uses to paint it's bookshelves.

Hmm why did they paint their bookshelves bright orange? Is that Bob's (Owner and founding person) favorite color? Is it something that made the store distinguished from other bookstores, since other bookstores just left theirs fake laminate, and stain? Possibly to land jets in their stores for more customer base? Who knows.

If anyone finds themselves in Arizona, (Tucson, Phoenix, Mesa, or Flagstaff) I highly recommend a trip there to Bookmans. They sell close to everything, and don't charge an arm and a leg for it. They also have a warm inviting feeling once you walk into the store. Almost like coming home. They have everything ranging from housewares, books, comics, cassettes, VHS cassettes, DVDs video games, Compact discs, magazines and everything in between. You can also bring in your stuff you don't want anymore for cash or trade credit. They offer free WiFi, allow seeing eye animals, some offer coffee shops, and have things to do for kids on certain days. Barnes N Noble don't even come close as far as charm is concerned.

God I miss Bookmans...


Monday, May 3, 2010

Blood runs thicker than mud

Today, May 3, 2010 marks the end for my grandfather, Johnson Yazzie Sr. He seemed to be everything a successful person wanted to be. He had political success doing work for the Navajo tribe in the 50's and 60's, He had a strong spiritual connection with the Creator, and he had a family who, even if they were rough around the edges, the were always there for each other.

I remember as a child he would visit me and spoil me so much. My mom and dad had marital problems later and I saw my grandfather less and less. I don't know why but I never asked why either. During a divorce I felt that I shouldn't ask questions, like if the two of them was my fault, and if I would ever see my other family again.

After mom and dad split, I saw and resented my mom's family more, and saw and missed my dad's side of the family. I heard my mother talking shit about how low my dad's family was, yet her family was much worse. No one in her family had a chair on the Tribal Council, worked and helped run a national historic landmark (Hubbell Trading Post) worked with kids who had developmental disabilities, married a successful man who is in the medical field, or even moved away from home to pursue better jobs, and college opportunities. All they did was raise and herd sheep, pass judgement on others, and drank and smoked themselves into oblivion. Most of them faded away into nothing, while some are raising a family at an early age, while they are kids themselves, growing marijuana, getting high, getting drunk, and raising their kids to be much like themselves, abusive, neglectful, self righteous dope heads and drunks. And they have the right to pass judgement on me, my dad, or my dads family??? I am apparently a bitch, no good, never will go far in life according to them. They tell my mother on a constant basis she fucked up hard with me and my sister... like she doesn't know that already. They say my dad is a loser who won't go far, yet he has a steady job, has been at that job for ten years, and has a good enough roof over his head. They say my dad's family are scum, yet they really don't know them and how successful they really are...

Then I look at my grandfather. The man who loved everyone, for who they were, no matter where they came from. I introduced him to John and he took him in as his own son then. I wish I was still in Arizona so Sadie knew who he was. I wished I could have introduced him to a wonderful man. He had a wife who passed away fifteen years ago, Some called her a bitch, but now I realize where I get that no holds barred thing from, I get it from her and my uncle Mike, who were not scared of whatever they said and they didn't care who got offended. They didn't even care what others thought of them, because they were their own people, with their own ideals, and their own way of thinking. I laugh at people who tell me I am rude, that I am too harsh, that I'm a bitch. Because I am a free thinker? That's why I am a bitch? I don't even have to cuss to get my point across. Look at the way I conduct myself on the forums, I have said lots of brutally honest things, yet I have never been banned or reprimanded by a moderator. But the other users in the forums don't like me all that much. Hell I even get chased around by a 14 year old kid who tries at ends to rile me and my friends up. We sit there and laugh. What an idiot we think. He is wasting his time.

So my family lines run deeper with my dad's side of the family more than ever. I haven't spent that much time with them, but it feels like I can taste their blood when I speak, or do anything else. I'm not an angry person, just honest. I hope to raise my daughter to not be afraid to use her voice too. She sure as hell isn't gonna be a pushover like I was when I was young.

My dear Grandfather I do miss him. I wished I seen him more, then again I may have seen him more than I thought. Maybe he's seeing me now, typing this entry. I feel his hand on my shoulder while I type this, telling me don't stop what you're doing, because it's better to let it all out now, than never. I am proud of my dad's family. I love what they did, and what they stood for. So here's to you Grandpa! I love you with every fiber of my being, and I will always be your "Itty Bitty", and I am honored to carry the last name "Yazzie" in my married name

Johnson Yazzie Sr
1918-2010