Blood runs thicker than mud

Today, May 3, 2010 marks the end for my grandfather, Johnson Yazzie Sr. He seemed to be everything a successful person wanted to be. He had political success doing work for the Navajo tribe in the 50's and 60's, He had a strong spiritual connection with the Creator, and he had a family who, even if they were rough around the edges, the were always there for each other.

I remember as a child he would visit me and spoil me so much. My mom and dad had marital problems later and I saw my grandfather less and less. I don't know why but I never asked why either. During a divorce I felt that I shouldn't ask questions, like if the two of them was my fault, and if I would ever see my other family again.

After mom and dad split, I saw and resented my mom's family more, and saw and missed my dad's side of the family. I heard my mother talking shit about how low my dad's family was, yet her family was much worse. No one in her family had a chair on the Tribal Council, worked and helped run a national historic landmark (Hubbell Trading Post) worked with kids who had developmental disabilities, married a successful man who is in the medical field, or even moved away from home to pursue better jobs, and college opportunities. All they did was raise and herd sheep, pass judgement on others, and drank and smoked themselves into oblivion. Most of them faded away into nothing, while some are raising a family at an early age, while they are kids themselves, growing marijuana, getting high, getting drunk, and raising their kids to be much like themselves, abusive, neglectful, self righteous dope heads and drunks. And they have the right to pass judgement on me, my dad, or my dads family??? I am apparently a bitch, no good, never will go far in life according to them. They tell my mother on a constant basis she fucked up hard with me and my sister... like she doesn't know that already. They say my dad is a loser who won't go far, yet he has a steady job, has been at that job for ten years, and has a good enough roof over his head. They say my dad's family are scum, yet they really don't know them and how successful they really are...

Then I look at my grandfather. The man who loved everyone, for who they were, no matter where they came from. I introduced him to John and he took him in as his own son then. I wish I was still in Arizona so Sadie knew who he was. I wished I could have introduced him to a wonderful man. He had a wife who passed away fifteen years ago, Some called her a bitch, but now I realize where I get that no holds barred thing from, I get it from her and my uncle Mike, who were not scared of whatever they said and they didn't care who got offended. They didn't even care what others thought of them, because they were their own people, with their own ideals, and their own way of thinking. I laugh at people who tell me I am rude, that I am too harsh, that I'm a bitch. Because I am a free thinker? That's why I am a bitch? I don't even have to cuss to get my point across. Look at the way I conduct myself on the forums, I have said lots of brutally honest things, yet I have never been banned or reprimanded by a moderator. But the other users in the forums don't like me all that much. Hell I even get chased around by a 14 year old kid who tries at ends to rile me and my friends up. We sit there and laugh. What an idiot we think. He is wasting his time.

So my family lines run deeper with my dad's side of the family more than ever. I haven't spent that much time with them, but it feels like I can taste their blood when I speak, or do anything else. I'm not an angry person, just honest. I hope to raise my daughter to not be afraid to use her voice too. She sure as hell isn't gonna be a pushover like I was when I was young.

My dear Grandfather I do miss him. I wished I seen him more, then again I may have seen him more than I thought. Maybe he's seeing me now, typing this entry. I feel his hand on my shoulder while I type this, telling me don't stop what you're doing, because it's better to let it all out now, than never. I am proud of my dad's family. I love what they did, and what they stood for. So here's to you Grandpa! I love you with every fiber of my being, and I will always be your "Itty Bitty", and I am honored to carry the last name "Yazzie" in my married name

Johnson Yazzie Sr

1918-2010