Seething

I just hate days where I am so angry I see red. Noise pisses me off.. Snide remarks piss me off, Days like this I wish I could lock myself away until I find calmness. Alas I have to cater to a three year old

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter. I would never harm her. But there are days when I just wish to be left alone, no noise no one here to bother me, ask for things, talk to me.... Those are the days I wish I can just lock myself away and just think... Not about anything in particular... but just think. Perhaps while I have a blog... write too.

There are a lot of things I wish for really. I wish for a daughter that knows how to use the toilet, I wish for a husband who was more supportive in certain aspects of child rearing, Those are the two main things. I wish I could have a place to practice music without being bothered. I thought I had a space all to my own... yet it has been invaded. I should be used to that. I have no fucking privacy! It drives me crazy at times. If I want the house to myself there better be a good damn reason for the two of them to get the hell out of here... Yet usually there isn't.

My husband? I love him to death but I have the feeling he doesn't know what it all takes to raise a child. He thinks that if my daughter can make a couple of deposits in the potty, she is potty trained... he doesn't have to get out of his chair, tell her she is a good girl, a big girl, and encourage her to use the bathroom out of the day... I will say this... no matter how frustrating my husband is about child rearing... he puts other guys to shame. Including my dad, who in his time as a father decided drugs, drinking, and drunken friends were cooler than looking after a daughter. Hey who could blame him? He was only in his 20's.

Times like this is when I wish I could drive. So I can drive somewhere by myself to be a lone for a few hours... This whole staying in with the family week after week is starting to piss me off to no end.